Sometimes life is random...and so is my writing

It has been nearly a year since I've written.  I have been so wrapped up in writing papers, projects, lesson plans, and research papers for two years that my personal writing has taken a backseat.  Writing has always been a way for me to get out my frustration and anxiety, both of which I have mass amounts, but school has been a priority.

Now that I have a second degree (and no job to show for it, I might add), I'm somewhat free.  I've been reading books like a sponge thirsty for water.  When 3 am rolls around and my eyes are so gritty that I can't hardly see, I MUST read one more chapter.  Yes, I'm that person.

I admit, I read a LOT of romance novels.  I find them intriguing for some reason.  Maybe because my life, which I consider "normal", is nothing like a romance novel.  Don't get me wrong, I have a great life, it's just not a romance novel if you know what I mean ;)

~~~~~~~~~~

I stay hidden behind my blog, mostly, because of where I live and what I do or would like to do.  And, these days, people are always getting into your business and judging your so-called character.  Which, I suppose, is fair but not always a true picture of who a person really is.

For example, I swear.  Is it becoming?  No.  Is it professional?  No.  Do I swear when I'm doing my job?  Hell NO!  But, when I write, the occasional f-bomb may appear.  If you're sensitive to that and think I'm not glorifying God, you're right.  I'm not glorifying God.  This is also my business and what I reconcile is between me and God, and has nothing to do with you.  If you don't like it, I just don't care anymore.

Some of the people I used to talk to and hang out with will say I've fallen away from God and am no longer the person I used to be.  So it seems.  Thanks for the reminders and judgement, "friends".  Again, I just don't care anymore.

The things I really want to say are gritty.  I just want to pour my crazy, wicked mind into words.  I want to read books that aren't about Commandments and how to be a better mom.  I'm so sick of that right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~

What I want to say is that I want to lock my kids out of the house and not let them back in until they really learn to get along.  What that really means is that I will NEVER see my kids again because at almost 40, I still don't really get along with my siblings. 

What else do I want?  Some days, I want to sit and read books, or blogs, or surf Twitter...ALL DAY!  Yes, ALL DAMN DAY!  But I can't and I don't because I'm a mom who takes responsibility seriously.  For some reason, I still feel it's important to have well-rounded children who are not social retards.

Other days, I want to be 25 again.  I want to be single and making a crap load of money and doing whatever I want on my days off.  I want to fly out for the weekend to visit friends in California or New York.  I want to spend hundreds of dollars at the mall buying whatever I want and not think about the circumstances.  I want to be able to run 3 miles a day and have the body back that I had 10 years ago. I want to go to the bathroom, or take a shower, without being barged in on.  I, I, I.  Boy, I sure am a selfish witch aren't I?  Why do other moms try to make me feel guilty about this?  I can't be the only one who longs for those carefree days.  I can't be.  And, the people who say they never think about that, in my clearest estimation, are liars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes, I just need to get random ramblings out of my meandering mind.

Sometimes, we need to say life sucks the big one.

Sometimes, life changes.  Seasons change.  People change.  I am changing.

Sometimes, we just need to say screw it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that, my friends, is a very random day in the life...

Sacrificial Love

I heard the most endearing story today about a husband who did a most wonderful thing for his wife.  While I can’t divulge all of the details of the situation, let me say that it brought me to tears to hear how much this man would sacrifice for his wife.  Why would a husband do that?  There is no other explanation than because he has pure, true, and unselfish love for his wife.  What an amazing gift this woman has received from her husband!  

After suffering terrible hardship earlier this year, the woman was crushed beyond belief.  I have felt this pain and know how difficult it is to endure.  And, while a woman bears much burden sometimes, we forget how much it pains our husbands to see us in turmoil.  For a man, it is a helpless feeling to know he cannot fix his beloved wife.  He took a vow in front of God, his wife, family, and friends that he would protect this woman and here is stuck.  He was unable to protect her from her pain and suffering and he can’t make her whole again.  But, what he did do is pray for her unceasingly.  He knew that God was with them even if He seemed far away.  Her husband had never doubted that our most loving God was with them through it all.  In the end, he made the ultimate sacrifice for his wife because he could not bear to see her suffer any more.  This decision could not have come lightly and I know it could not have come without much prayer.  God will bless this husband many times over for protecting his wife and for sacrificing so much for her.  I know his sacrifice was great…beyond words actually. 

As I listened, and cried, to this story I kept thinking about how blessed this woman is.  And then, I realized very quickly that I am equally as blessed with a faithful and loving husband.  My husband has always put me as a priority in his life.  He probably has never prayed for himself a day in his life, but always asked God to bless me and our children.  He has told me time and time again that he has prayed for my soul, but never once mentioned himself.

He worries incessantly about our finances and providing for our family which makes me crazy, but then I realize that he does this out of nothing more than love and to fulfill his marital vows.  He took those vows seriously when we made them and still does today.

People who question why they should get married should read and meditate on the typical marriage vows exchanged in a Christian marriage.  While many people say marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper… I say they are wrong.  Marriage is a covenant.  It’s a sacrament.  It’s a commitment that means so much more than signing a piece of paper and having a reception/celebration.

Because my husband and I were married in the Catholic Church, I will share the following vows:

{Catholic wedding vows are usually preceded by three questions from the priest:

"(Name) and (name), have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"

"Will you honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"

"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"

The bride and groom respond "I will" or "yes" (Rite of Marriage #34).

The Rite of Marriage (#25) offers several options for Catholic wedding vows. The standard version goes like this:

Priest (or deacon): Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church.

Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

The priest acknowledges that the couple have declared their consent to be married, prays for God's blessing on the couple, and declares, "What God has joined, men must not divide" (Rite of Marriage #26). This is the point at which, sacramentally, the bride and groom become wife and husband.

The Blessing of Rings follows the declaration of consent. (Again, it is ideal for the bride and groom to memorize these lines.) The priest says a blessing over the wedding rings (Rite of Marriage #27) and then the couple exchange wedding rings (#28):

Groom (placing the wedding ring on his wife's ring finger): (Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Bride (placing the wedding ring on her husband's ring finger): (Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

The General Intercessions (sometimes called Prayers of the Faithful or Bidding Prayers) follow, and then, if the sacrament of marriage is being celebrated within Mass, the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

Borrowed from: http://catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/catholic-wedding-vows.htm}

When my husband and I said these vows, we said them, first and foremost, in front of God.  This was the promise we made to Him, in His church, in front of all of our witnesses.  Are we perfect?  No way!  Do we argue?  Most certainly!  But, more important than selfishness is our sacrificial love for one another.  And if I want to be completely honest, my husband is ten times better at it than me.  I pray about this regularly and ask for the will to put his needs before mine, but this has been a very slow process.  Luckily, he is patient and kind and is not jealous.  He, like the husband above, is a true gift from our God in heaven.

Please don’t misunderstand my writing as saying that you must have been married in a Christian church to have a valid marriage.  That is absolutely not what I’m saying.  What I’m trying to emphasize, simply by using the Christian vows as an example, is the commitment that man and woman make to one another when they make these vows.  Or, they should make to each other when they take these vows.  Marriage is not for the unsteady or the easily broken.  It’s hard and sometimes you want to run away.  BUT, marriage is a gift given to us that should not, under any circumstance, be entered into lightly.  God does not promise us an easy road, but He does promise to stay with us through the journey.  I’m grateful that today I’m remembering that He’s with me through the journey because my road does not seem easy.

For me, that’s a day in the life…