It has been nearly a year since I've written. I have been so wrapped up in writing papers, projects, lesson plans, and research papers for two years that my personal writing has taken a backseat. Writing has always been a way for me to get out my frustration and anxiety, both of which I have mass amounts, but school has been a priority.
Now that I have a second degree (and no job to show for it, I might add), I'm somewhat free. I've been reading books like a sponge thirsty for water. When 3 am rolls around and my eyes are so gritty that I can't hardly see, I MUST read one more chapter. Yes, I'm that person.
I admit, I read a LOT of romance novels. I find them intriguing for some reason. Maybe because my life, which I consider "normal", is nothing like a romance novel. Don't get me wrong, I have a great life, it's just not a romance novel if you know what I mean ;)
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I stay hidden behind my blog, mostly, because of where I live and what I do or would like to do. And, these days, people are always getting into your business and judging your so-called character. Which, I suppose, is fair but not always a true picture of who a person really is.
For example, I swear. Is it becoming? No. Is it professional? No. Do I swear when I'm doing my job? Hell NO! But, when I write, the occasional f-bomb may appear. If you're sensitive to that and think I'm not glorifying God, you're right. I'm not glorifying God. This is also my business and what I reconcile is between me and God, and has nothing to do with you. If you don't like it, I just don't care anymore.
Some of the people I used to talk to and hang out with will say I've fallen away from God and am no longer the person I used to be. So it seems. Thanks for the reminders and judgement, "friends". Again, I just don't care anymore.
The things I really want to say are gritty. I just want to pour my crazy, wicked mind into words. I want to read books that aren't about Commandments and how to be a better mom. I'm so sick of that right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~
What I want to say is that I want to lock my kids out of the house and not let them back in until they really learn to get along. What that really means is that I will NEVER see my kids again because at almost 40, I still don't really get along with my siblings.
What else do I want? Some days, I want to sit and read books, or blogs, or surf Twitter...ALL DAY! Yes, ALL DAMN DAY! But I can't and I don't because I'm a mom who takes responsibility seriously. For some reason, I still feel it's important to have well-rounded children who are not social retards.
Other days, I want to be 25 again. I want to be single and making a crap load of money and doing whatever I want on my days off. I want to fly out for the weekend to visit friends in California or New York. I want to spend hundreds of dollars at the mall buying whatever I want and not think about the circumstances. I want to be able to run 3 miles a day and have the body back that I had 10 years ago. I want to go to the bathroom, or take a shower, without being barged in on. I, I, I. Boy, I sure am a selfish witch aren't I? Why do other moms try to make me feel guilty about this? I can't be the only one who longs for those carefree days. I can't be. And, the people who say they never think about that, in my clearest estimation, are liars.
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Sometimes, I just need to get random ramblings out of my meandering mind.
Sometimes, we need to say life sucks the big one.
Sometimes, life changes. Seasons change. People change. I am changing.
Sometimes, we just need to say screw it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And that, my friends, is a very random day in the life...
This blog is about my life as I experience it. Most things, I find funny and like to share. Some things, however, are serious and I like to explore that side of life too. Some might say this is a blog about nothing. That's OK with me!
Monday, July 22, 2013
Monday, August 13, 2012
Sacrificial Love
I heard the most endearing story today about a husband who
did a most wonderful thing for his wife.
While I can’t divulge all of the details of the situation, let me say
that it brought me to tears to hear how much this man would sacrifice for his
wife. Why would a husband do that? There is no other explanation than because he
has pure, true, and unselfish love for his wife. What an amazing gift this woman has received from
her husband!
After suffering terrible hardship earlier this year, the
woman was crushed beyond belief. I have
felt this pain and know how difficult it is to endure. And, while a woman bears much burden
sometimes, we forget how much it pains our husbands to see us in turmoil. For a man, it is a helpless feeling to know
he cannot fix his beloved wife. He took
a vow in front of God, his wife, family, and friends that he would protect this
woman and here is stuck. He was unable
to protect her from her pain and suffering and he can’t make her whole
again. But, what he did do is pray for
her unceasingly. He knew that God was
with them even if He seemed far away.
Her husband had never doubted that our most loving God was with them
through it all. In the end, he made the
ultimate sacrifice for his wife because he could not bear to see her suffer any
more. This decision could not have come
lightly and I know it could not have come without much prayer. God will bless this husband many times over for
protecting his wife and for sacrificing so much for her. I know his sacrifice was great…beyond words
actually.
As I listened, and cried, to this story I kept thinking
about how blessed this woman is. And
then, I realized very quickly that I am equally as blessed with a faithful and
loving husband. My husband has always
put me as a priority in his life. He
probably has never prayed for himself a day in his life, but always asked God
to bless me and our children. He has
told me time and time again that he has prayed for my soul, but never once
mentioned himself.
He worries incessantly about our finances and providing for
our family which makes me crazy, but then I realize that he does this out of
nothing more than love and to fulfill his marital vows. He took those vows seriously when we made
them and still does today.
People who question why they should get married should read
and meditate on the typical marriage vows exchanged in a Christian marriage. While many people say marriage is nothing
more than a piece of paper… I say they are wrong. Marriage is a covenant. It’s a sacrament. It’s a commitment that means so much more
than signing a piece of paper and having a reception/celebration.
Because my husband and I were married in the Catholic
Church, I will share the following vows:
{Catholic wedding vows are usually preceded by three
questions from the priest:
"(Name) and (name), have you come here freely and
without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?"
"Will you honor each other as man and wife for the
rest of your lives?"
"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and
bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?"
The bride and groom respond "I will" or
"yes" (Rite of Marriage #34).
The Rite of Marriage (#25) offers several options for
Catholic wedding vows. The standard version goes like this:
Priest (or deacon): Since it is your intention to enter
into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and
his Church.
Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I
promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.
I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I
promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.
I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
The priest acknowledges that the couple have declared
their consent to be married, prays for God's blessing on the couple, and
declares, "What God has joined, men must not divide" (Rite of
Marriage #26). This is the point at which, sacramentally, the bride and groom
become wife and husband.
The Blessing of Rings follows the declaration of consent.
(Again, it is ideal for the bride and groom to memorize these lines.) The
priest says a blessing over the wedding rings (Rite of Marriage #27) and then
the couple exchange wedding rings (#28):
Groom (placing the wedding ring on his wife's ring
finger): (Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name
of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Bride (placing the wedding ring on her husband's ring
finger): (Name), take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name
of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
The General Intercessions (sometimes called Prayers of
the Faithful or Bidding Prayers) follow, and then, if the sacrament of marriage
is being celebrated within Mass, the Liturgy of the Eucharist.
Borrowed from: http://catholicweddinghelp.com/topics/catholic-wedding-vows.htm}
When my husband and I said these vows, we said them, first
and foremost, in front of God. This was
the promise we made to Him, in His church, in front of all of our witnesses. Are we perfect? No way!
Do we argue? Most certainly! But, more important than selfishness is our sacrificial
love for one another. And if I want to
be completely honest, my husband is ten times better at it than me. I pray about this regularly and ask for the
will to put his needs before mine, but this has been a very slow process. Luckily, he is patient and kind and is not
jealous. He, like the husband above, is
a true gift from our God in heaven.
Please don’t misunderstand my writing as saying that you
must have been married in a Christian church to have a valid marriage. That is absolutely not what I’m saying. What I’m trying to emphasize, simply by using
the Christian vows as an example, is the commitment that man and woman make to
one another when they make these vows.
Or, they should make to each other when they take these vows. Marriage is not for the unsteady or the
easily broken. It’s hard and sometimes
you want to run away. BUT, marriage is a
gift given to us that should not, under any circumstance, be entered into
lightly. God does not promise us an easy
road, but He does promise to stay with us through the journey. I’m grateful that today I’m remembering that
He’s with me through the journey because my road does not seem easy.
For me, that’s a day in the life…
Thursday, August 2, 2012
What is on this mind of mine?
Do you really want to know? Maybe not.
I've been asked a lot lately why I don't blog anymore. The first reason is that I've been so short on time with being a full-time student, mother, wife, and employee that the blog got put on the back burner. The second reason is that what I want to write about just isn't that nice. And, I've always been taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So, I've been keeping my keys quiet for a while stewing over what's been cooking in my brain. It's ugly folks, ugly indeed.
If you are "plugged into" this world at all you know what's been shaking in the US. Universal Healthcare which includes mandatory birth control even for religious hospitals, clinics, and pharmacies. People banning eating at chicken restaurants because the CEO supports traditional family and is "pro family". Politicians slinging accusations at each other relentlessly whether founded in truth or not. The list could go on for miles and miles. And, here I sit in my comfy house in the middle of the USA trying to take it all in without blowing my top.
The worst for me is the garbage on Facebook and other social media outlets. People who call themselves friends are fighting USING CAPS LOCKS over these issues. They call each other names like bigot, intolerant, stupid, and worse. Christians are being bashed right and left by people who claim to be the more enlightened and accepting people. All the while the enlightened and accepting people are calling Christians intolerant, they are not realizing that they themselves are intolerant for what they believe about Christians.
Many people who I see posting these terrible things about Christians lining up for a chicken sandwich but wouldn't line up to help at a food pantry is just wrong. If it weren't for Christians, food pantries and homeless shelters would not exist. Period. And, what about those of you who have had to ask for help yourselves? Maybe for food, gas money, shelter, or more. Were the people who helped you not Christian?
When a friend of mine needed an item for an apartment, I asked everybody I knew if they could help. Who came forward? A Christian. Why? Because we Christians are leading the best lives we can by following Christ. Does that mean we are perfect people? Of course not. And, God knew that. So, His only begotten son suffered on the cross for ALL OF US! He died and was buried, then by the grace of God Himself, Jesus rose on the third day. For ALL OF US! Later, He ascended into Heaven and was seated at the right hand of the Father (God). He is there for ALL OF US! He (Jesus) will come again in Glory to judge the living and the dead (ALL OF US) and his kingdom will have no end. Amen.
Yes, I am a Christian. I do not believe in hate. I believe that Christians become an easy target of political issues where the issue should not be based solely on religion. I dislike politicians of all kinds as I think they are are liars, cheaters, and stealers nor do they truly represent their constituents.
If I had the where-with-all, I would leave this all behind and build a commune in the middle of nowhere so I could practice my faith, teach my children, and ignore the screwed up world around us. But, as idealistic as that sounds, it's not going to happen any time soon. So, I guess I'll sit here hiding behind my blog writing about what I want.
Especially when it's a day in MY life...
I've been asked a lot lately why I don't blog anymore. The first reason is that I've been so short on time with being a full-time student, mother, wife, and employee that the blog got put on the back burner. The second reason is that what I want to write about just isn't that nice. And, I've always been taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. So, I've been keeping my keys quiet for a while stewing over what's been cooking in my brain. It's ugly folks, ugly indeed.
If you are "plugged into" this world at all you know what's been shaking in the US. Universal Healthcare which includes mandatory birth control even for religious hospitals, clinics, and pharmacies. People banning eating at chicken restaurants because the CEO supports traditional family and is "pro family". Politicians slinging accusations at each other relentlessly whether founded in truth or not. The list could go on for miles and miles. And, here I sit in my comfy house in the middle of the USA trying to take it all in without blowing my top.
The worst for me is the garbage on Facebook and other social media outlets. People who call themselves friends are fighting USING CAPS LOCKS over these issues. They call each other names like bigot, intolerant, stupid, and worse. Christians are being bashed right and left by people who claim to be the more enlightened and accepting people. All the while the enlightened and accepting people are calling Christians intolerant, they are not realizing that they themselves are intolerant for what they believe about Christians.
Many people who I see posting these terrible things about Christians lining up for a chicken sandwich but wouldn't line up to help at a food pantry is just wrong. If it weren't for Christians, food pantries and homeless shelters would not exist. Period. And, what about those of you who have had to ask for help yourselves? Maybe for food, gas money, shelter, or more. Were the people who helped you not Christian?
When a friend of mine needed an item for an apartment, I asked everybody I knew if they could help. Who came forward? A Christian. Why? Because we Christians are leading the best lives we can by following Christ. Does that mean we are perfect people? Of course not. And, God knew that. So, His only begotten son suffered on the cross for ALL OF US! He died and was buried, then by the grace of God Himself, Jesus rose on the third day. For ALL OF US! Later, He ascended into Heaven and was seated at the right hand of the Father (God). He is there for ALL OF US! He (Jesus) will come again in Glory to judge the living and the dead (ALL OF US) and his kingdom will have no end. Amen.
Yes, I am a Christian. I do not believe in hate. I believe that Christians become an easy target of political issues where the issue should not be based solely on religion. I dislike politicians of all kinds as I think they are are liars, cheaters, and stealers nor do they truly represent their constituents.
If I had the where-with-all, I would leave this all behind and build a commune in the middle of nowhere so I could practice my faith, teach my children, and ignore the screwed up world around us. But, as idealistic as that sounds, it's not going to happen any time soon. So, I guess I'll sit here hiding behind my blog writing about what I want.
Especially when it's a day in MY life...
Monday, February 20, 2012
Soul Mates. No Really...
So many times you hear people say that their significant other is their "soul mate." Sometimes, this may be true, but more often than not, I bet it really isn't. Does your spouse really know how you feel, what you think, or how you experience something? My guess is the answer is NO WAY. If you're a guy, you have no idea why your wife insists on complicating today's problem with an argument that happened two weeks ago. If you're a gal, you are totally ticked that he can't see the correlation. Am I right? Well, that's how it goes in our house and most of my friend's houses, too.
So, this is why I'm going to write about my true soul mate...if that's what you want to call it. I didn't meet this girl until about 10 or 11 years ago. It just so happened that she was dating one of my brothers. Funny thing is, they broke up, but WE never did! LOL! From the first time we met, we hit it off. We couldn't believe how much we were alike in high school even though we grew up in different towns and had never met each other. And, since then, we have always remained in touch, were in each other's weddings, she and her husband are the Godparents to one of my sons, the list could go on.
Why does this make her my soul mate, you ask? Well, yesterday as I was talking to her, I shared with her how I'm feeling about my faith and that I feel lost, unconvinced, and just kind-of showing up to show up. I was sharing this because I needed to share it with my friend who always knows just what to say and when to say it. Expecting words of encouragement and gentle guiding, I was shocked and surprised to hear her say she's in exactly the same place. WHAT? Once again we told each other to "Get out of my head!" I can't tell you how many times over the past years we have to say that to one another. We, honestly, do live some sort of parallel lives. And, with that said, who else could do that but the Big Guy Himself? Only God can bring together two people for the reason of truly having somebody who understands you. It's amazing, isn't it? So, in the midst of our doubt, He is still here for both of us - carrying us through our difficult times.
To my friend, and you know you are, I love you! Thank you for knowing me on the inside...where it matters most. I miss you and wish I could see you more often, but just knowing that we share a special bond makes the distance seem like a stone's throw.
Until I see you again, this is a day in the life...
So, this is why I'm going to write about my true soul mate...if that's what you want to call it. I didn't meet this girl until about 10 or 11 years ago. It just so happened that she was dating one of my brothers. Funny thing is, they broke up, but WE never did! LOL! From the first time we met, we hit it off. We couldn't believe how much we were alike in high school even though we grew up in different towns and had never met each other. And, since then, we have always remained in touch, were in each other's weddings, she and her husband are the Godparents to one of my sons, the list could go on.
Why does this make her my soul mate, you ask? Well, yesterday as I was talking to her, I shared with her how I'm feeling about my faith and that I feel lost, unconvinced, and just kind-of showing up to show up. I was sharing this because I needed to share it with my friend who always knows just what to say and when to say it. Expecting words of encouragement and gentle guiding, I was shocked and surprised to hear her say she's in exactly the same place. WHAT? Once again we told each other to "Get out of my head!" I can't tell you how many times over the past years we have to say that to one another. We, honestly, do live some sort of parallel lives. And, with that said, who else could do that but the Big Guy Himself? Only God can bring together two people for the reason of truly having somebody who understands you. It's amazing, isn't it? So, in the midst of our doubt, He is still here for both of us - carrying us through our difficult times.
To my friend, and you know you are, I love you! Thank you for knowing me on the inside...where it matters most. I miss you and wish I could see you more often, but just knowing that we share a special bond makes the distance seem like a stone's throw.
Until I see you again, this is a day in the life...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Line Between Selfishness and (In)Sanity...
or, is there not a line at all?
Since becoming a mom, life has changed dramatically. No duh, right? What I'm trying to put into words is this constant battle in me that thinks I'm selfish and/or insane. And, the only way I can stay sane is to be a little, teeny bit selfish. BUT, being selfish is just that. SELFISH. I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, and still today, if somebody called you selfish it wasn't a good thing. Honestly, I would much rather somebody call me the b-word than selfish. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.
But alas, now that I'm a mother and I'm the only female in the house, I feel like I need my sanity back. And in order to do that, I'm required to be a tad selfish. {Sigh} I just need that quiet time to myself when somebody isn't pawing at me, needing a drink, asking "honey where's the...", the list could go on. I accept these parts of motherhood and understand they come with the territory, but how can I continue to be pawwed at, pass out drinks, and tell my husband where everything is if I don't have a little down time? Just wondering.
So that brings me to the upcoming weekend. My oldest son is competing in a tournament in another city not too far away. While I love that he has an interest in this sport, I've also been thinking about being very selfish and staying home. I know, I KNOW! I need to suck it up and go support my son. But, it would be so easy for him to go with his dad and have a "daddy-son" day.
My husband and son are also working on his coveted Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts and need to go to the hobby store after the tournament. Seriously? I'm sorry, but spending two hours in the model car aisle with my husband acting like he's a kid does not sound like any fun to me at all. We all know that it doesn't matter what the paint job on the car looks like. What matters is if it's fast. And that comes down to aerodynamics and physics. Why won't my husband let me tell him about the physics of the thing? Grrrr!
So, what's the verdict? Should I be selfish and stay home or be insane and go? I'm sure I will go. What's it going to hurt if I'm insane for a few more days, weeks, months? Oh wait, I think it's been years now.
Maybe when you leave the hospital with your first baby they should hand you a pamphlet that says, "Welcome to Motherhood! Our local support groups are listed inside for your convenience."
Just another day in the life...
Since becoming a mom, life has changed dramatically. No duh, right? What I'm trying to put into words is this constant battle in me that thinks I'm selfish and/or insane. And, the only way I can stay sane is to be a little, teeny bit selfish. BUT, being selfish is just that. SELFISH. I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, and still today, if somebody called you selfish it wasn't a good thing. Honestly, I would much rather somebody call me the b-word than selfish. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.
But alas, now that I'm a mother and I'm the only female in the house, I feel like I need my sanity back. And in order to do that, I'm required to be a tad selfish. {Sigh} I just need that quiet time to myself when somebody isn't pawing at me, needing a drink, asking "honey where's the...", the list could go on. I accept these parts of motherhood and understand they come with the territory, but how can I continue to be pawwed at, pass out drinks, and tell my husband where everything is if I don't have a little down time? Just wondering.
So that brings me to the upcoming weekend. My oldest son is competing in a tournament in another city not too far away. While I love that he has an interest in this sport, I've also been thinking about being very selfish and staying home. I know, I KNOW! I need to suck it up and go support my son. But, it would be so easy for him to go with his dad and have a "daddy-son" day.
My husband and son are also working on his coveted Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts and need to go to the hobby store after the tournament. Seriously? I'm sorry, but spending two hours in the model car aisle with my husband acting like he's a kid does not sound like any fun to me at all. We all know that it doesn't matter what the paint job on the car looks like. What matters is if it's fast. And that comes down to aerodynamics and physics. Why won't my husband let me tell him about the physics of the thing? Grrrr!
So, what's the verdict? Should I be selfish and stay home or be insane and go? I'm sure I will go. What's it going to hurt if I'm insane for a few more days, weeks, months? Oh wait, I think it's been years now.
Maybe when you leave the hospital with your first baby they should hand you a pamphlet that says, "Welcome to Motherhood! Our local support groups are listed inside for your convenience."
Just another day in the life...
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Why do people always ask...
Personal questions? I can't tell you how many times in the last several weeks I've been asked if my husband and I plan to have another child. A girl specifically. OK, here's the thing. We don't decide what sex our child will be, God decides that way before we even have a thought about it. And, two, why do you think we want to have a girl? Is there something wrong with just having boys? Look, my mom wanted a girl after having two boys and she got me. I'm not going to risk it. I don't think this world can take another person like me. I'm too much people, seriously!
And, did it somehow become unacceptable to only have two children? Or, is it that the two children I do have are of the same gender so one automatically assumes our family is not complete? What's with it? Give me a break. It's not like when you asked me that question today, I fired off the first thing that came into my head. And that would have been, "Don't you think it'd be a good idea for you to have a husband and not a boyfriend before YOU have anymore kids?" But I didn't. I just kept that little tidbit to myself as to not offend somebody as I was just offended.
Whether or not my husband and I add another child to our family is between us and God. In the meantime, let's try to remind people of the sanctity of marriage. Of what it means to be a loving couple committed to one another and to our children. To raise these beautiful children in homes that are safe from violence, drugs, abuse, and more. I truly believe that every child is a gift from God. I also believe that it is up to US what we do with those gifts. My husband and I choose to raise our sons in a faith-filled, Christian home; teaching them wrong from right; instilling the importance of education and being a good citizen. We teach them manners - how to say please and thank you, excuse me please, and Happy New Year! My kids aren't anywhere near perfect, but we're trying our best to make them their own self best.
And when you see that mom or dad struggling with a child in the store or at the park, you might not be able to help right then, but you can say a silent prayer asking God to give that parent strength to be a good mom or dad. Maybe offer some encouraging words just to help them make it through that one tough moment. We never do truly know what people are going through, but I know from experience that one person saying one nice thing to me can really brighten my day.
Maybe we should all try that. Smile at somebody and say good morning, help an older person get their things to their car, buy a coffee for the next person in line, offer that much needed shoulder to cry on. Whatever little gesture you can offer, try to offer at least one every day. It will come back to you ten-fold in ways you would never expect. I can't wait to hear how it turns out!
For now, that's today in my life...
And, did it somehow become unacceptable to only have two children? Or, is it that the two children I do have are of the same gender so one automatically assumes our family is not complete? What's with it? Give me a break. It's not like when you asked me that question today, I fired off the first thing that came into my head. And that would have been, "Don't you think it'd be a good idea for you to have a husband and not a boyfriend before YOU have anymore kids?" But I didn't. I just kept that little tidbit to myself as to not offend somebody as I was just offended.
Whether or not my husband and I add another child to our family is between us and God. In the meantime, let's try to remind people of the sanctity of marriage. Of what it means to be a loving couple committed to one another and to our children. To raise these beautiful children in homes that are safe from violence, drugs, abuse, and more. I truly believe that every child is a gift from God. I also believe that it is up to US what we do with those gifts. My husband and I choose to raise our sons in a faith-filled, Christian home; teaching them wrong from right; instilling the importance of education and being a good citizen. We teach them manners - how to say please and thank you, excuse me please, and Happy New Year! My kids aren't anywhere near perfect, but we're trying our best to make them their own self best.
And when you see that mom or dad struggling with a child in the store or at the park, you might not be able to help right then, but you can say a silent prayer asking God to give that parent strength to be a good mom or dad. Maybe offer some encouraging words just to help them make it through that one tough moment. We never do truly know what people are going through, but I know from experience that one person saying one nice thing to me can really brighten my day.
Maybe we should all try that. Smile at somebody and say good morning, help an older person get their things to their car, buy a coffee for the next person in line, offer that much needed shoulder to cry on. Whatever little gesture you can offer, try to offer at least one every day. It will come back to you ten-fold in ways you would never expect. I can't wait to hear how it turns out!
For now, that's today in my life...
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I've Never Been a Big Sister
I was born last. The youngest of three children AND the only girl. The only thing I wanted growing up was a baby sister. Yes, specifically, a sister. I think every little girl wants a sister. As a matter of fact, I think every grown up girl wants a sister, too. For those of us who don't biologically have sisters, we find great solace and comaradarie in our closest friends. And, those closest friends actually do become family. Somebody we trust and rely on more than our biological siblings. It's a strange phenomenon, but nonetheless, one of the best relationships a girl can count on.
That being said, I've experienced something I've never expected in all my years. I've met a young man in the past few months from another country. He's smart, thoughtful, charming, and kind. We sort-of hit it off right away. Since I'm almost 15 years his elder, our friendship was easy and fun. And, I like to pick on him :) That's just my way of letting him know I like him. And, he has taken it all in stride.
Over the course of the last couple of months, through all my picking and teasing, I've become quite protective of my foreign brother. Quite early on, he started calling me "family" and although I thought it was weird, I've now come to expect it. And, if he doesn't say "Hello, Family!", I tend to think something is weighing heavily on his mind. He calls my boys his "nephews" and asks about them regularly. My oldest son makes sure I stop in to see him to say hello...and then double checks to make sure that I did. I worry that he doesn't get to see his biological family regularly and that he may be lonely, but also realize that it's different for guys than it is for girls.
At the coaxing of my son (he's very empathetic for a 7 year-old), I made sure to stop in and say hello to my "family" today. I was surprised when I saw him as I don't even know how to describe his attitude. Nervous and anxious, maybe, but he had a huge grin on his face and said he'd been needing to talk to me.
I've actually come to enjoy our talks about life, faith, girls, and more. We've had several talks about girls this past semester. I like to think I give him great advice, but mostly I think I just talk in circles hoping he can make sense of it all for himself. I wonder if I actually ever help or if he just shakes his head and laughs after I leave? Today we had quite a long talk and I'm wondering, actually nervous, if I gave him good advice or not. I know he can make good decisions on his own, but I like that he looks to me for advice. Like a little brother would ask a big sister.
And here we are, after never having that little sister that I always dreamed of...I've been blessed with a wonderful little brother who I didn't meet until I was 37!! Funny how life works, huh?
That being said, I've experienced something I've never expected in all my years. I've met a young man in the past few months from another country. He's smart, thoughtful, charming, and kind. We sort-of hit it off right away. Since I'm almost 15 years his elder, our friendship was easy and fun. And, I like to pick on him :) That's just my way of letting him know I like him. And, he has taken it all in stride.
Over the course of the last couple of months, through all my picking and teasing, I've become quite protective of my foreign brother. Quite early on, he started calling me "family" and although I thought it was weird, I've now come to expect it. And, if he doesn't say "Hello, Family!", I tend to think something is weighing heavily on his mind. He calls my boys his "nephews" and asks about them regularly. My oldest son makes sure I stop in to see him to say hello...and then double checks to make sure that I did. I worry that he doesn't get to see his biological family regularly and that he may be lonely, but also realize that it's different for guys than it is for girls.
At the coaxing of my son (he's very empathetic for a 7 year-old), I made sure to stop in and say hello to my "family" today. I was surprised when I saw him as I don't even know how to describe his attitude. Nervous and anxious, maybe, but he had a huge grin on his face and said he'd been needing to talk to me.
I've actually come to enjoy our talks about life, faith, girls, and more. We've had several talks about girls this past semester. I like to think I give him great advice, but mostly I think I just talk in circles hoping he can make sense of it all for himself. I wonder if I actually ever help or if he just shakes his head and laughs after I leave? Today we had quite a long talk and I'm wondering, actually nervous, if I gave him good advice or not. I know he can make good decisions on his own, but I like that he looks to me for advice. Like a little brother would ask a big sister.
And here we are, after never having that little sister that I always dreamed of...I've been blessed with a wonderful little brother who I didn't meet until I was 37!! Funny how life works, huh?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
For Better or Worse...
I've been thinking about my husband a lot lately. Maybe it's because our anniversary is just around the corner. I wonder, sometimes, why he loves me so much. I'm a mess half the time, tired ALL the time, busy with school and kids, the list really could go on and on. But, for better or worse, he still loves me. And I love him.
When we were engaged we met with a sponsor couple. In the meetings with the sponsor couple, we talked about a lot of things very openly and candidly - it was part of the gig. We learned so much about each other in those sessions, but the one thing that sticks out the most was a small conversation that started with the question, "Why do you love your fiance?" Since we had "assignments" and I never liked to turn in my homework late, I was working several days before our meeting. One would think this would be the easiest question to answer - that I should have been able to write so furiously that my pen couldn't keep up with my mind. However, when it came time to write I had a blank brain. Why, indeed, did I love him? I ended up pondering this question for several days and ended up leaving that one blank as we headed to our sponsor's house. When we got to the dreaded question, I openly admitted that I left it blank. Again, in my mind, I tried to come up with a list, but the only thing that kept coming to me was the same answer that had been in my mind for the past several days. The answer that I thought was too stupid to write down. My answer was, "Because he loves me back." My answer today is the same.
There is something to be said about the love a spouse gives to his wife. Sure, there are 100 things that he does that make life easier both emotionally and physically. But, I really couldn't ask for anything more than him loving me back. And, embarrassingly so, he is so much better at it than me. Not the loving back part, but loving me for me. He still tells me I'm pretty and that I look nice all the time. Almost every morning in fact, even when I feel like the bulldozer is still rolling over my face. He does little things like wash the car and takes care of the laundry. He's a wonderful dad to our two sons and I delight at watching him in the toy aisle with the boys. He really is just a big kid at heart. He's protective of me and will not stand for people disrespecting me. He will give his seat up in the overcrowded church so an elderly person can sit while he stands at the back. He teaches our boys about being a gentleman by holding doors for others, helping others in need, and not calling names. He's a keeper for so many reasons, but the main reason is because he loves me back.
It's funny, when we were dating and became engaged, I think a lot of people thought my husband was the lucky one. If they only knew who the lucky one really is...
When we were engaged we met with a sponsor couple. In the meetings with the sponsor couple, we talked about a lot of things very openly and candidly - it was part of the gig. We learned so much about each other in those sessions, but the one thing that sticks out the most was a small conversation that started with the question, "Why do you love your fiance?" Since we had "assignments" and I never liked to turn in my homework late, I was working several days before our meeting. One would think this would be the easiest question to answer - that I should have been able to write so furiously that my pen couldn't keep up with my mind. However, when it came time to write I had a blank brain. Why, indeed, did I love him? I ended up pondering this question for several days and ended up leaving that one blank as we headed to our sponsor's house. When we got to the dreaded question, I openly admitted that I left it blank. Again, in my mind, I tried to come up with a list, but the only thing that kept coming to me was the same answer that had been in my mind for the past several days. The answer that I thought was too stupid to write down. My answer was, "Because he loves me back." My answer today is the same.
There is something to be said about the love a spouse gives to his wife. Sure, there are 100 things that he does that make life easier both emotionally and physically. But, I really couldn't ask for anything more than him loving me back. And, embarrassingly so, he is so much better at it than me. Not the loving back part, but loving me for me. He still tells me I'm pretty and that I look nice all the time. Almost every morning in fact, even when I feel like the bulldozer is still rolling over my face. He does little things like wash the car and takes care of the laundry. He's a wonderful dad to our two sons and I delight at watching him in the toy aisle with the boys. He really is just a big kid at heart. He's protective of me and will not stand for people disrespecting me. He will give his seat up in the overcrowded church so an elderly person can sit while he stands at the back. He teaches our boys about being a gentleman by holding doors for others, helping others in need, and not calling names. He's a keeper for so many reasons, but the main reason is because he loves me back.
It's funny, when we were dating and became engaged, I think a lot of people thought my husband was the lucky one. If they only knew who the lucky one really is...
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Why do people throw stones?
I've wondered one too many times why people throw stones at one another. Not literally, but figuratively. I live in a glass house. Doesn't everybody else? I, honestly, just cannot believe what this society is coming to. Why do I feel like I'm one of the few who tries as hard as possible to live by the "golden rule"? Does anybody even know what that means anymore? Or, is everybody just in it for themselves and not even cognisant of their own discretion? My mind is blown for so many reasons.
I have been out of my element for about 4 months now. And, while it was a bit novel in the beginning, it is certainly old now and I'm so sick of disrespectful people of all ages. Young people and professionals alike. And, while I've worked in some pretty "lively" places, none compares to my current situation. The language is unbelievably awful. The disrespect for oneself, others, and private property is beyond belief! Hearing professionals talk about getting "tanked" about sends me through the roof.
Oh, and the gossiping! What in the world? I have met somebody recently who is in, I would guess, the 50-year-old range, BUT this person acts like a teenager when it comes to the backstabbing and gossiping. Every day is another story about somebody else doing this or that, but this person is so blind that he/she can't even see that he/she is guilty of the same things and many more. I can only imagine what is said about me when I'm not there. And, I'm sure it's a doozy as I received all kinds of crazy looks today...if they actually looked me in the eyes at all. No wonder this person's children want to live so far away. I would too!!
I have been called a prude and self-righteous, I now wonder if there really is anything wrong with that? And, while I don't think I'm self-righteous, I do believe that I have self-dignity and self-respect. And if I'm a prude, so be it. Is prude just another way of people saying I have high morals? If so, thank you! I will be a prude and wear it proudly!
On another note, I have been shattered and blown away by how much people throw around the "JC" and the "GD". I don't expect everybody to be a Christian, but man, that is really starting to offend me in a huge way. Honestly, I'd much rather hear the f-word than the others mentioned above. Believe you me on this one, I can curse with the best of them and for that I am not proud, but you will not hear "JC" or "GD" cross these foul lips of mine.
Well, that may be quite a rant, but I needed an outlet. I know many of my friends are going through some really tough struggles right now and I join you in these. Please know this, I pray for you daily. I think about you and hold you dear in my heart. I love you for sticking by me and allowing me to stick by you...even if I'm not very good at it right now. I cherish friendship and my soul needs it. So, for those of you who love me just the way I am, thank you! I love you, too!
I guess that's enough rambling from this attention deficit brain for one day.
This has certainly been A day in the life...
I have been out of my element for about 4 months now. And, while it was a bit novel in the beginning, it is certainly old now and I'm so sick of disrespectful people of all ages. Young people and professionals alike. And, while I've worked in some pretty "lively" places, none compares to my current situation. The language is unbelievably awful. The disrespect for oneself, others, and private property is beyond belief! Hearing professionals talk about getting "tanked" about sends me through the roof.
Oh, and the gossiping! What in the world? I have met somebody recently who is in, I would guess, the 50-year-old range, BUT this person acts like a teenager when it comes to the backstabbing and gossiping. Every day is another story about somebody else doing this or that, but this person is so blind that he/she can't even see that he/she is guilty of the same things and many more. I can only imagine what is said about me when I'm not there. And, I'm sure it's a doozy as I received all kinds of crazy looks today...if they actually looked me in the eyes at all. No wonder this person's children want to live so far away. I would too!!
I have been called a prude and self-righteous, I now wonder if there really is anything wrong with that? And, while I don't think I'm self-righteous, I do believe that I have self-dignity and self-respect. And if I'm a prude, so be it. Is prude just another way of people saying I have high morals? If so, thank you! I will be a prude and wear it proudly!
On another note, I have been shattered and blown away by how much people throw around the "JC" and the "GD". I don't expect everybody to be a Christian, but man, that is really starting to offend me in a huge way. Honestly, I'd much rather hear the f-word than the others mentioned above. Believe you me on this one, I can curse with the best of them and for that I am not proud, but you will not hear "JC" or "GD" cross these foul lips of mine.
Well, that may be quite a rant, but I needed an outlet. I know many of my friends are going through some really tough struggles right now and I join you in these. Please know this, I pray for you daily. I think about you and hold you dear in my heart. I love you for sticking by me and allowing me to stick by you...even if I'm not very good at it right now. I cherish friendship and my soul needs it. So, for those of you who love me just the way I am, thank you! I love you, too!
I guess that's enough rambling from this attention deficit brain for one day.
This has certainly been A day in the life...
Monday, September 19, 2011
Why in the world am I so tired?
Life has changed significantly for our family in the past four weeks. Three out of four of us are in school five days a week. Two of us are a tad overwhelmed and a bit over-anxious. And one of us, ME, is extremely tired. No amount of coffee or alternate caffeine sources are working to perk me up.
Life as a co-ed is funny. Why? Well, I guess I don't really consider myself a co-ed since I could be most of these kids' parent. {Sigh} How depressing is that? And, for just a little while each day, I dream of being 19 years old again and thinking about who I'm going to hang out with tonight, where the party's at, and if I'm going to skip class tomorrow or not. But then, a swift slap of reality brings me back to this all too real juncture of life.
Several classes I'm taking are very difficult and waaaaayy outside of my comfort zone. But, that's what college is all about, right? Exploring new facets of who you could be. RIGHT? Because I'm thinking that I should kind-of have that figured out by this time in my life. I am, afterall, inching up on the big 4 - 0!!
I hate to cut this short, but I am supposed to be studying for a quiz. Just not feeling it today, though. Do you ever have those days? Don't lie!! Instead of studying, I'm dreaming of being at home in my big comfy chair, under a warm blanket, dozing off as it rains outside. Ahhhhh, doesn't that sound awesome?
I thought so, too!
Life as a co-ed is funny. Why? Well, I guess I don't really consider myself a co-ed since I could be most of these kids' parent. {Sigh} How depressing is that? And, for just a little while each day, I dream of being 19 years old again and thinking about who I'm going to hang out with tonight, where the party's at, and if I'm going to skip class tomorrow or not. But then, a swift slap of reality brings me back to this all too real juncture of life.
Several classes I'm taking are very difficult and waaaaayy outside of my comfort zone. But, that's what college is all about, right? Exploring new facets of who you could be. RIGHT? Because I'm thinking that I should kind-of have that figured out by this time in my life. I am, afterall, inching up on the big 4 - 0!!
I hate to cut this short, but I am supposed to be studying for a quiz. Just not feeling it today, though. Do you ever have those days? Don't lie!! Instead of studying, I'm dreaming of being at home in my big comfy chair, under a warm blanket, dozing off as it rains outside. Ahhhhh, doesn't that sound awesome?
I thought so, too!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Stuck in a funk.
I'm stuck in a funk. And, I can't get out. I've tried self-talk, indulging myself with favorite sweet treats, snuggling with my husband and crying my eyes out, sleeping copious amounts, and more. None have seemed to work.
All the while, I've got the stupid Rolling Stones playing over and over in my mind. The only words they sing are, "You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well you might just find you get what you need!" Seriously, this is pure torture for me. Why? First, because I cannot stand the Rolling Stones or the sound of Mick Jagger in my head. Second, because I've hated this phrase since I was a kid. My parents constantly said it to us. And while, as an adult, I totally get what it means, I still hate it.
Why can't I have what I want? WHY?? Maybe it's not as simple as wanting an iced coffee and getting that. I usually can HAVE that. It's more like the big-time stuff. For example, why can't my life work out exactly the way I have it planned? I mean, I acknowledge that I was made in God's image and He knows everything about me before anyone else, but why can't he just clue me in? This is very troubling. If I'm made in HIS image, why then do I not have the same gifts as HIM. Specifically, knowing the plan. How can I do my best at "the plan" if I don't even know what it is? I'm serious here people!
I was born a planner. Just ask my parents, they will tell you so. Everything has always had to be in a certain order for me. It's just the way I am. Now, don't get me wrong. I love to be spontaneous and have tons of fun! As long as I know that's what the plan is for the day :)
BUT, being spontaneous is NOT working into this plan of mine right at the moment. See, I'm going back to school full-time in a mere 3 weeks. I'm not 18 anymore and this takes a considerable amount of planning and preparation. I have a husband and two children to consider and this is taking my anxiety level off the charts.
Luckily, I have very supportive parents who have promised to pick up the slack wherever it's needed. They have been very encouraging of me finishing my teaching degree and they love my boys very much. In some instances, I get really sad thinking that grandma is going to know more about my boys by the end of the year than I will. But, better grandma than some random person at daycare, right? In addition, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who has it on his agenda to start the grocery shopping and laundry. He hasn't yet offered to cook which just makes me smile because he isn't really very good at it anyway!
So, you're probably thinking, what's your problem? What are you so worried about? I've got it 10 times harder than that, lady! Suck it up and get on with it! To this, I cannot disagree. And to answer, all I have is this reply...I'm trying. That's all I can do right now. Keep trying. I keep trying to put all my troubles in God's hands. I do. But, why isn't He answering me in some way? Or, is He giving me what I NEED and not what I WANT?
All the while, I've got the stupid Rolling Stones playing over and over in my mind. The only words they sing are, "You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well you might just find you get what you need!" Seriously, this is pure torture for me. Why? First, because I cannot stand the Rolling Stones or the sound of Mick Jagger in my head. Second, because I've hated this phrase since I was a kid. My parents constantly said it to us. And while, as an adult, I totally get what it means, I still hate it.
Why can't I have what I want? WHY?? Maybe it's not as simple as wanting an iced coffee and getting that. I usually can HAVE that. It's more like the big-time stuff. For example, why can't my life work out exactly the way I have it planned? I mean, I acknowledge that I was made in God's image and He knows everything about me before anyone else, but why can't he just clue me in? This is very troubling. If I'm made in HIS image, why then do I not have the same gifts as HIM. Specifically, knowing the plan. How can I do my best at "the plan" if I don't even know what it is? I'm serious here people!
I was born a planner. Just ask my parents, they will tell you so. Everything has always had to be in a certain order for me. It's just the way I am. Now, don't get me wrong. I love to be spontaneous and have tons of fun! As long as I know that's what the plan is for the day :)
BUT, being spontaneous is NOT working into this plan of mine right at the moment. See, I'm going back to school full-time in a mere 3 weeks. I'm not 18 anymore and this takes a considerable amount of planning and preparation. I have a husband and two children to consider and this is taking my anxiety level off the charts.
Luckily, I have very supportive parents who have promised to pick up the slack wherever it's needed. They have been very encouraging of me finishing my teaching degree and they love my boys very much. In some instances, I get really sad thinking that grandma is going to know more about my boys by the end of the year than I will. But, better grandma than some random person at daycare, right? In addition, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who has it on his agenda to start the grocery shopping and laundry. He hasn't yet offered to cook which just makes me smile because he isn't really very good at it anyway!
So, you're probably thinking, what's your problem? What are you so worried about? I've got it 10 times harder than that, lady! Suck it up and get on with it! To this, I cannot disagree. And to answer, all I have is this reply...I'm trying. That's all I can do right now. Keep trying. I keep trying to put all my troubles in God's hands. I do. But, why isn't He answering me in some way? Or, is He giving me what I NEED and not what I WANT?
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
My summer of stripping
It's been a long summer, but sometimes you just gotta' do what you gotta' do. I'm not going to say that I love this work or that it's for everybody. But, sometimes we have to swallow our pride and do the dirty work because we love our families.
Although it's been a long summer, in some regards it's gone too quickly and maybe I didn't start soon enough to get the much coveted results. I've been sweating, crawling around on my hands and knees, wearing some outfits that are, well, hideous, and my eyes and lungs burn from fumes and funk.
The colors I've seen have been bright and definitely retro. I know the fashion forward people of the world keep saying that trends repeat themselves, but this is a bit much for my taste! Of course, bright colors show up better in a dark room, right?
And, the pioneers of this whole charade. All I can say is, "What in the world??" I little forethought would have been much appreciated. It's quite obvious that all you wanted was instant gratification and to cut as many corners as humanly possible. What a shame!!
The late nights and early mornings seem so hard. Not like when I did this when I was young, single, and didn't have kids. Everything seemed so much simpler then. I could do what I wanted when I wanted and it didn't matter how late I made noise because it wasn't going to wake anybody up. And, I don't want my kids to have their daily lives disrupted because of what I'm choosing to do, even though the end result will benefit the whole family.
So, I will keep plugging away at the commitment I made earlier in the summer. I'm trying to teach my kids what keeping a commitment looks like and that you don't give up just because something turns out to be a whole lot harder than expected. You must keep working away until the job is done.
So, if you'll excuse me, I've got a whole lot more wallpaper to get off the kitchen walls.
What in the world did you think I was talking about???
Although it's been a long summer, in some regards it's gone too quickly and maybe I didn't start soon enough to get the much coveted results. I've been sweating, crawling around on my hands and knees, wearing some outfits that are, well, hideous, and my eyes and lungs burn from fumes and funk.
The colors I've seen have been bright and definitely retro. I know the fashion forward people of the world keep saying that trends repeat themselves, but this is a bit much for my taste! Of course, bright colors show up better in a dark room, right?
And, the pioneers of this whole charade. All I can say is, "What in the world??" I little forethought would have been much appreciated. It's quite obvious that all you wanted was instant gratification and to cut as many corners as humanly possible. What a shame!!
The late nights and early mornings seem so hard. Not like when I did this when I was young, single, and didn't have kids. Everything seemed so much simpler then. I could do what I wanted when I wanted and it didn't matter how late I made noise because it wasn't going to wake anybody up. And, I don't want my kids to have their daily lives disrupted because of what I'm choosing to do, even though the end result will benefit the whole family.
So, I will keep plugging away at the commitment I made earlier in the summer. I'm trying to teach my kids what keeping a commitment looks like and that you don't give up just because something turns out to be a whole lot harder than expected. You must keep working away until the job is done.
So, if you'll excuse me, I've got a whole lot more wallpaper to get off the kitchen walls.
What in the world did you think I was talking about???
Monday, July 25, 2011
A Sacred Space
First, I must tell you that a few faithful followers (& good friends) asked why I haven't been blogging. I told them that I've been very busy, which is true, but the BIGGER reason is that the world swirling around in my head is so much like the tornado in Wizard of Oz that I don't know what's going to happen, where things are going to fall, if there will be color when it finally slows down, or if there will actually be a Wizard of Oz or just a strange guy behind a curtain.
Just of few of the questions in my brain's tornado are these: What the heck is happening here? Why isn't life turning out the way I thought it would? Why did Joe Shmo do that to me or somebody else. What happened to the parents/brothers/sisters/relatives I grew up with? What happened to me? Is life always going to be this hard or does it get easier? Do my kids really love me, because I have one that refuses to say it and that makes me sad because he's only six:(
Of course, situations just aren't as easy as we like them to be. Here's an example. I'm a snob. I recognize this about myself. In my snobbiness, I have places that I like to go (either by myself or with my family) that I consider my own little "sacred space". Now, by using the word sacred I don't necessarily mean that it's holy or in a church building or built around prayer. It can be, but that's not what it is for me at this moment. These are just places where our family can enjoy one another without interruption of outside influences. I get annoyed at the drop of a hat and as soon as my sacred space is encroached upon, I start to get anxious. Nobody can make this space as good as I can. And, really? You had to smoke? Why did you have to ruin my day with smoking? Just my own little paradise. So, a few weeks ago, one of my sacred places was encroached upon. I've been feeling anxiety and stress about it, but still trying to be an adult and come to terms with life.
And then I thought, is this a bigger problem of wanting to have what others have? Is it an issue of jealousy or is it really an issue of me not wanting others to have what I have in my sacred place? The answer is a dead-giveaway and very childish. I don't want to share my toys! These spaces are mine and you are ruining my time with my family.
Another sacred space for me is my bedroom. I love it in there before my husband comes in to rest his weary body from working in the heat. I love my room so much that I read in there, watch tv, work on the computer, and more. It is sacred for me...until my husband comes to bed 5 minutes earlier than normal and I'm not done with my prayers and he always wants to talk. Or, one of the boys is sick and needs help getting to the bathroom. Then, for me, all the sacred is taken out of my spot...and my brain.
And speaking of sacred space, I hope you all have a nice place to call sacred. Maybe it's your church, or a chapel, your locked bedroom door while the kiddos are napping. Someplace. You need it. Maybe for you, like me, it starts in the corner of the basement where nobody will come to find you. You need it! Find that spot and find your time to spend in prayer with our Lord. Open your heart to Jesus and let him help you heal or guide you through your current journey. Not a Christian? Still use the same amount of time to center your thoughts and plan ahead...maybe open a conversation with God. He'll hear you no matter what. Use this time to pray for others who are hurting, or those you don't even know but are homeless and without food.
I guess one thing I forgot to mention about a sacred space is that, sometimes, it doesn't matter at all where it is, but that it's silent. Personally, I get completely overwhelmed when I don't get a bit of silence at some point during the day. My thoughts start spinning and that tornado in my brain starts up all over again. It's really hard to find any silent time when you have children, a job, and a million obligations every day. One suggestion I have for all of us is this: Spend the first 7 minutes of your day in sacred silence. This is not my original idea, but borrowed from a dear friend. It's much harder than you think. Seven minutes is a LONG time. I know you don't believe it, but try it and see how fast your mind goes to "I could be putting dishes away, cleaning the bathroom, running to the post office, etc" But, it's a great amount of time to spend quietly centering ourselves to get ready for the long day ahead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QtxUxlcB_4
(Just one quick side note: I've been trying to put in some background music on my blog and I cannot, for the life of me, figure the darn thing out. Obviously, computer technology will NOT fit into my sacred space any time soon! So, enjoy the You Tube video link instead!)
Just of few of the questions in my brain's tornado are these: What the heck is happening here? Why isn't life turning out the way I thought it would? Why did Joe Shmo do that to me or somebody else. What happened to the parents/brothers/sisters/relatives I grew up with? What happened to me? Is life always going to be this hard or does it get easier? Do my kids really love me, because I have one that refuses to say it and that makes me sad because he's only six:(
Of course, situations just aren't as easy as we like them to be. Here's an example. I'm a snob. I recognize this about myself. In my snobbiness, I have places that I like to go (either by myself or with my family) that I consider my own little "sacred space". Now, by using the word sacred I don't necessarily mean that it's holy or in a church building or built around prayer. It can be, but that's not what it is for me at this moment. These are just places where our family can enjoy one another without interruption of outside influences. I get annoyed at the drop of a hat and as soon as my sacred space is encroached upon, I start to get anxious. Nobody can make this space as good as I can. And, really? You had to smoke? Why did you have to ruin my day with smoking? Just my own little paradise. So, a few weeks ago, one of my sacred places was encroached upon. I've been feeling anxiety and stress about it, but still trying to be an adult and come to terms with life.
And then I thought, is this a bigger problem of wanting to have what others have? Is it an issue of jealousy or is it really an issue of me not wanting others to have what I have in my sacred place? The answer is a dead-giveaway and very childish. I don't want to share my toys! These spaces are mine and you are ruining my time with my family.
Another sacred space for me is my bedroom. I love it in there before my husband comes in to rest his weary body from working in the heat. I love my room so much that I read in there, watch tv, work on the computer, and more. It is sacred for me...until my husband comes to bed 5 minutes earlier than normal and I'm not done with my prayers and he always wants to talk. Or, one of the boys is sick and needs help getting to the bathroom. Then, for me, all the sacred is taken out of my spot...and my brain.
And speaking of sacred space, I hope you all have a nice place to call sacred. Maybe it's your church, or a chapel, your locked bedroom door while the kiddos are napping. Someplace. You need it. Maybe for you, like me, it starts in the corner of the basement where nobody will come to find you. You need it! Find that spot and find your time to spend in prayer with our Lord. Open your heart to Jesus and let him help you heal or guide you through your current journey. Not a Christian? Still use the same amount of time to center your thoughts and plan ahead...maybe open a conversation with God. He'll hear you no matter what. Use this time to pray for others who are hurting, or those you don't even know but are homeless and without food.
I guess one thing I forgot to mention about a sacred space is that, sometimes, it doesn't matter at all where it is, but that it's silent. Personally, I get completely overwhelmed when I don't get a bit of silence at some point during the day. My thoughts start spinning and that tornado in my brain starts up all over again. It's really hard to find any silent time when you have children, a job, and a million obligations every day. One suggestion I have for all of us is this: Spend the first 7 minutes of your day in sacred silence. This is not my original idea, but borrowed from a dear friend. It's much harder than you think. Seven minutes is a LONG time. I know you don't believe it, but try it and see how fast your mind goes to "I could be putting dishes away, cleaning the bathroom, running to the post office, etc" But, it's a great amount of time to spend quietly centering ourselves to get ready for the long day ahead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QtxUxlcB_4
(Just one quick side note: I've been trying to put in some background music on my blog and I cannot, for the life of me, figure the darn thing out. Obviously, computer technology will NOT fit into my sacred space any time soon! So, enjoy the You Tube video link instead!)
Friday, July 22, 2011
I'm Free...
So, I'm waiting ever so patiently and anxiously. The boys are in the kitchen eating lunch before they set out on their totally rad guy day! My excitement is building and all I want to do is run screaming from the house as soon as they pull out of the driveway. I want to run and dance around the block like Ren did in Footloose proclaiming "I'M FREE"!!!!!! It sounds so cool and liberating. Maybe a flash mob of moms running out their front doors singing Kenny Loggins right along with me. Throwing our hands in the air and doing cartwheels. Then, reality hits me and I realize it's just me dancing and singing and it's more like a flash dance, not a flash mob. And believe you me, I'm no what's-her-name dancing to "What a Feeling" by Irene Cara in Flashdance. More like Megan from Bridesmaids!
I'm Free (Heaven Helps the Man) (Check out this cool You Tube video to take you back to the day!)
YES...and they're gone! Praise be to the good Lord in heaven. Now don't get me wrong. I love my guys more than words can say, but every mom needs a quiet break from all the potty, poop, and killing talk. No matter how many times I tell them it's not acceptable to talk like that, it continues. So, I'm trying the "ignore it and it'll go away" method at present, but that doesn't seem to be working either:(
Enough of that and back to my FREE afternoon and evening! What shall I do?? Take in a movie and eat all the popcorn by myself? Find a quiet, shady spot outside and read my current book? Take a nap? Bake up something new in the kitchen? Hmmm, the possibilities are endless. Ooooh, I'm also thinking of making it a flashback afternoon and watching Sixteen Candles and Footloose. It'll be great because our new tv is gone for repairs and I can watch them on the 19" Zenith my parents bought me for college graduation in 1996! SWEET! Another bonus, the kids aren't here so I can watch the real, unedited versions with all the swearing! YES!! Some things sound so simple yet so divine, don't you agree?
I'm just so giddy, I think I will go run around the block dancing and singing! Watch out neighbors, here I come!
P.S. Can you have the ambulance on stand-by...I'm pretty klutzy ;\
I'm Free (Heaven Helps the Man) (Check out this cool You Tube video to take you back to the day!)
YES...and they're gone! Praise be to the good Lord in heaven. Now don't get me wrong. I love my guys more than words can say, but every mom needs a quiet break from all the potty, poop, and killing talk. No matter how many times I tell them it's not acceptable to talk like that, it continues. So, I'm trying the "ignore it and it'll go away" method at present, but that doesn't seem to be working either:(
Enough of that and back to my FREE afternoon and evening! What shall I do?? Take in a movie and eat all the popcorn by myself? Find a quiet, shady spot outside and read my current book? Take a nap? Bake up something new in the kitchen? Hmmm, the possibilities are endless. Ooooh, I'm also thinking of making it a flashback afternoon and watching Sixteen Candles and Footloose. It'll be great because our new tv is gone for repairs and I can watch them on the 19" Zenith my parents bought me for college graduation in 1996! SWEET! Another bonus, the kids aren't here so I can watch the real, unedited versions with all the swearing! YES!! Some things sound so simple yet so divine, don't you agree?
I'm just so giddy, I think I will go run around the block dancing and singing! Watch out neighbors, here I come!
P.S. Can you have the ambulance on stand-by...I'm pretty klutzy ;\
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Is faith a feeling or a place?
On July 8, a dear friend called me and asked what I was doing. I was in the car with my family coming home from an evening at the pool. The car was pretty lively with the three boys yapping around me so she knew it wasn't a great time to talk, but gave me a little preview. She said she was reading out of her Max Lucado book that morning and saying her daily prayers. And since she prays for me daily, today's reading really reminded her of me. She wanted to read it to me and talk about it, but as a mother herself, she sensed that the time just wasn't right. She said she would e-mail it to me so I could read it and "digest".
So I've been digesting...
"Those people who keep their faith until the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22
"Are you close to quitting? Please don't do it. Are you discouraged as a parent? Hang in there. Are you weary with doing good? Do just a little more. Are you pessimistic about your job? Roll up your sleeves and go at it again. No communication in your marriage? Give it one more shot... Remember, a finisher is not one with no wounds or weariness. Quite to the contrary, he, like the boxer is scarred and bloody. Mother Teresa is credited with saying, "God didn't call us to be successful, just faithful." The fighter, like our Master, is pierced and full of pain. He, like Paul, may even be bound and beaten. But he remains. The Land of Promise, says Jesus, awaits those who endure. It is not just for those who make the victory laps or drink champagne. No sir. The Land of Promise is for those who simply remain to the end."
Today is July 12, so I've had 4 days to roll this over in my head, heart, and soul. And, truthfully, maybe 4 days isn't quite enough. But, I thought if I wrote about it, I might see something more clearly.
Now, my dear friend M, knows the struggles of my heart and faith. She's the woman whom I would pick as my wise, older sister if I were allowed. I truly love her. She's wise, kind, compassionate, faithful, hard-working, the list could go on. We've lived through several of the same family situations (we even have a brother with the same name), but because she has a few years on me, she's more sage than I and her heart is softer. My husband says that if somebody doesn't like M, there is something wrong with that other person. I believe my husband is right.
So I've been reading the passage above every day since the 8th. Sometimes two or three times a day and just letting sit in my brain and on my heart.
Here's what I think I've concluded. I love the quote from Blessed Mother Teresa which states: "God didn't call us to be successful, just faithful." I do believe that to be true and I try to live my daily life faithful to Him. As a human, I am not perfect, and sin frequently - in my thoughts, words, actions, and more. For these, I am not proud. However, I recognize on a daily basis that I owe everything in life to God. And, I also trust in Him to be with me through the best and worst days of my life. I assure you this friends, I will "simply remain".
But, I had to dig deeper into this one-liner from Matthew. I have learned that there is always more to the story than one line somebody picks out and writes a devotion. I've done the same thing in my writing, but I always know there's more. This is what I found from my favorite Bible - The Catholic Faith & Family Bible:
Matthew 10: 16 - 32
Coming Persecutions
16"See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. 17Beware of them, for they will hand you over to councils and flog you in their synagogues; 18and you will be dragged before governors and kings because of me, as a testimony to them and the Gentiles. 19When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say; for what you are to say will be given to you at that time; 20for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. 21Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death; 22and you will be hated by all because of my name. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 23When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next; for truly I tell you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
24"A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the master; 25it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave like the master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household?
Whom to Fear
26"So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. 27What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. 28Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30And even the hairs of your head are all counted. 31So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.
32"Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; 33but whoever denies me before others, I will also deny before my Father in heaven."
You're probably thinking, "So what? What's your great idea here?"
My idea is this...at least for now. I do not know what to say most of the time when it comes to hard core faith and life issues, but I pray that when I do open my big, fat mouth it's the Spirit of the Father speaking through me. I pray I remember that, to God, I have value even when I feel like I have none to others on earth. That includes myself.
But mostly what I'm thinking, and I know a lot of hard-core friends of mine will disagree, is that if I continue to proclaim Jesus' name from town to town and rooftop to rooftop, it doesn't really matter if I call my current church "home" or move on to the next. As long as I put God above all others, I am sure He will acknowledge me in heaven.
I'm so glad M sent me this daily devotion. She reminded me that she's in my corner and pulling for me to come through this painful time in my faith. I feel so battered and bruised by those who claim they are "cheerleaders"...battle-scarred, if you will. I don't understand what motivates people 2011 years after Christ's death and resurrection to think they are better than others, forget that we are all sinners, and that humanness is a trait given to us by God.
And, while this battle within is not over, it may be winding down. Sort-of. Maybe a move to the next "town" is exactly what my battle-scarred soul needs.
So I've been digesting...
"Those people who keep their faith until the end will be saved." Matthew 10:22
"Are you close to quitting? Please don't do it. Are you discouraged as a parent? Hang in there. Are you weary with doing good? Do just a little more. Are you pessimistic about your job? Roll up your sleeves and go at it again. No communication in your marriage? Give it one more shot... Remember, a finisher is not one with no wounds or weariness. Quite to the contrary, he, like the boxer is scarred and bloody. Mother Teresa is credited with saying, "God didn't call us to be successful, just faithful." The fighter, like our Master, is pierced and full of pain. He, like Paul, may even be bound and beaten. But he remains. The Land of Promise, says Jesus, awaits those who endure. It is not just for those who make the victory laps or drink champagne. No sir. The Land of Promise is for those who simply remain to the end."
Today is July 12, so I've had 4 days to roll this over in my head, heart, and soul. And, truthfully, maybe 4 days isn't quite enough. But, I thought if I wrote about it, I might see something more clearly.
Now, my dear friend M, knows the struggles of my heart and faith. She's the woman whom I would pick as my wise, older sister if I were allowed. I truly love her. She's wise, kind, compassionate, faithful, hard-working, the list could go on. We've lived through several of the same family situations (we even have a brother with the same name), but because she has a few years on me, she's more sage than I and her heart is softer. My husband says that if somebody doesn't like M, there is something wrong with that other person. I believe my husband is right.
So I've been reading the passage above every day since the 8th. Sometimes two or three times a day and just letting sit in my brain and on my heart.
Here's what I think I've concluded. I love the quote from Blessed Mother Teresa which states: "God didn't call us to be successful, just faithful." I do believe that to be true and I try to live my daily life faithful to Him. As a human, I am not perfect, and sin frequently - in my thoughts, words, actions, and more. For these, I am not proud. However, I recognize on a daily basis that I owe everything in life to God. And, I also trust in Him to be with me through the best and worst days of my life. I assure you this friends, I will "simply remain".
But, I had to dig deeper into this one-liner from Matthew. I have learned that there is always more to the story than one line somebody picks out and writes a devotion. I've done the same thing in my writing, but I always know there's more. This is what I found from my favorite Bible - The Catholic Faith & Family Bible:
Matthew 10: 16 - 32
Coming Persecutions
16"See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves. 17Beware of them, for they will hand you over to councils and flog you in their synagogues; 18and you will be dragged before governors and kings because of me, as a testimony to them and the Gentiles. 19When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say; for what you are to say will be given to you at that time; 20for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. 21Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death; 22and you will be hated by all because of my name. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 23When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next; for truly I tell you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.
24"A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the master; 25it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave like the master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household?
Whom to Fear
26"So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. 27What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. 28Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30And even the hairs of your head are all counted. 31So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.
32"Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; 33but whoever denies me before others, I will also deny before my Father in heaven."
You're probably thinking, "So what? What's your great idea here?"
My idea is this...at least for now. I do not know what to say most of the time when it comes to hard core faith and life issues, but I pray that when I do open my big, fat mouth it's the Spirit of the Father speaking through me. I pray I remember that, to God, I have value even when I feel like I have none to others on earth. That includes myself.
But mostly what I'm thinking, and I know a lot of hard-core friends of mine will disagree, is that if I continue to proclaim Jesus' name from town to town and rooftop to rooftop, it doesn't really matter if I call my current church "home" or move on to the next. As long as I put God above all others, I am sure He will acknowledge me in heaven.
I'm so glad M sent me this daily devotion. She reminded me that she's in my corner and pulling for me to come through this painful time in my faith. I feel so battered and bruised by those who claim they are "cheerleaders"...battle-scarred, if you will. I don't understand what motivates people 2011 years after Christ's death and resurrection to think they are better than others, forget that we are all sinners, and that humanness is a trait given to us by God.
And, while this battle within is not over, it may be winding down. Sort-of. Maybe a move to the next "town" is exactly what my battle-scarred soul needs.
Monday, July 11, 2011
It's a Ferris Bueller kind of day...
Just the thought of Ferris Bueller's Day Off cracks me up. I love this movie. One of the reasons I love it so much is because it is something I NEVER would have dreamed of doing in high school. I was pretty straight-laced and followed the rules...for the most part. (The rules I did break, may be another blog somewhere down the road.)
But, the other night, my husband and I had to stop at his parents house to tend to some matters while they are out of town. And in their garage sat their shiny, glorious red car. An instant flash in my head took me right back to Cameron's house where Ferris had his eye's on the beautiful, red Ferrari that belonged to Cameron's dad. Then, I laughed to myself at all the fun things Ferris, Sloane, and Cameron did in that oober-cool car and the smile on my face got quite large. When my husband came back from inside the house, he could see that mischievous grin on my face and just shook his head. I know he didn't want to know what I was thinking, but he couldn't help himself. After ignoring me for about two minutes, he finally turned to me and let out an exasperated, "What?" Still sporting a very wide and toothy smile, I just chuckled and said, "Nothin'." All the while, I was eyeing the keys he brought from inside the house that just so happened to have the key to the car :)
After being married for this long, my husband doesn't leave me alone when I look so mischievous as he's afraid that I may do something that will get me in trouble. So, he didn't relent with the bugging me and I finally gave in and told him about the secret world tucked away in my brain. I told him that I wanted to "borrow" (OK, technically it's steal, but we HAVE the keys!) the shiny, red beaut in his parent's garage and go out joy riding. Doing all kinds of crazy and wild things all the while videotaping it all. Now, when I say crazy and wild, it's more like driving as fast as it will go on one of the country roads, doing burn-outs on gravel, and trying to get it to do a do-nut. Maybe, splay out on the hood and take some silly pictures of me like I'm at a car show in the big city. You know...all the the "crazy" things a not-so-crazy-mom-of-two would do:)
He listened to me go on for about five minutes. The story didn't really take that long, but I was laughing so hard as I told him all of this that there were moments that I couldn't breathe and was snorting quite heavily! Although my husband wasn't really hip to the idea, he did add that when we bring the car back, we should park in backward in the garage because that would drive his dad bonkers as soon as he drove in the garage from his vacation! Me like...me like very much ;)
So, our Ferris Bueller adventure was starting to wind down as we reached our destination to pick up the boys. I was still smiling from how funny this whole diatribe was when my husband looked at me and said, "You do realize it's the Prius in the garage, don't you?"
Of course I did! LOL!!
But, the other night, my husband and I had to stop at his parents house to tend to some matters while they are out of town. And in their garage sat their shiny, glorious red car. An instant flash in my head took me right back to Cameron's house where Ferris had his eye's on the beautiful, red Ferrari that belonged to Cameron's dad. Then, I laughed to myself at all the fun things Ferris, Sloane, and Cameron did in that oober-cool car and the smile on my face got quite large. When my husband came back from inside the house, he could see that mischievous grin on my face and just shook his head. I know he didn't want to know what I was thinking, but he couldn't help himself. After ignoring me for about two minutes, he finally turned to me and let out an exasperated, "What?" Still sporting a very wide and toothy smile, I just chuckled and said, "Nothin'." All the while, I was eyeing the keys he brought from inside the house that just so happened to have the key to the car :)
After being married for this long, my husband doesn't leave me alone when I look so mischievous as he's afraid that I may do something that will get me in trouble. So, he didn't relent with the bugging me and I finally gave in and told him about the secret world tucked away in my brain. I told him that I wanted to "borrow" (OK, technically it's steal, but we HAVE the keys!) the shiny, red beaut in his parent's garage and go out joy riding. Doing all kinds of crazy and wild things all the while videotaping it all. Now, when I say crazy and wild, it's more like driving as fast as it will go on one of the country roads, doing burn-outs on gravel, and trying to get it to do a do-nut. Maybe, splay out on the hood and take some silly pictures of me like I'm at a car show in the big city. You know...all the the "crazy" things a not-so-crazy-mom-of-two would do:)
He listened to me go on for about five minutes. The story didn't really take that long, but I was laughing so hard as I told him all of this that there were moments that I couldn't breathe and was snorting quite heavily! Although my husband wasn't really hip to the idea, he did add that when we bring the car back, we should park in backward in the garage because that would drive his dad bonkers as soon as he drove in the garage from his vacation! Me like...me like very much ;)
So, our Ferris Bueller adventure was starting to wind down as we reached our destination to pick up the boys. I was still smiling from how funny this whole diatribe was when my husband looked at me and said, "You do realize it's the Prius in the garage, don't you?"
Of course I did! LOL!!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
One Thing I've (finally) Learned
Boys and girls are different! You're probably wondering why it's taken me this long to figure out such a simple statement, but holy cow! Is it really that simple?
The older my boys, husband included, become the more evident this is.
I grew up with brothers. No sisters. And, looking back, it is so obvious how different we really were and continue to be. While I love my brothers very much, I would not consider them my friends. Not in the way a girl needs a friend. Girls want a friend to tell them everything will work out, that they are right, that the person who wronged them is stupid, etc. All guys want is a punch on the arm and a very loud, "Suck it up, man! Don't think about it and just forget it!" All you ladies know what I'm talking about. And, while there may be something to that slug on the arm, it just doesn't cut it with girls. Even though guys keep trying to use this technique on us!
That being said, my thoughts will be all over the place today. I've got much on my mind.
On my mind today (and the past several days) is one of my brothers. One whom I don't speak to or get along with...for all intents and purposes. We, I suppose, are very similar in our stubbornness, but light years away from each other on our overall view of compassion, love, and respect. Nonetheless, I love my brother and am very worried about him. He is awaiting a surgery to remove a growth from his throat. The information I received from my mom is that the growth is 5 - 7 inches long and is wrapped around various things in his neck/throat including his thyroid and his windpipe. The surgery is scheduled to take 5 hours and has a recovery period of approximately one month. The outcome is uncertain.
I'm so very scared for him and want to tell him that I've been praying unceasingly for him since I received the news. This, however, isn't really possible considering we haven't spoken in nearly 8 years. I don't really know how he's feeling, but even through his very macho persona, I think he may be scared too. He has a beautiful little boy and I'm sure he's on his mind constantly.
Another thing I've learned is that when you become a mother, you want nothing but the best for your children. You want them to be friends with one another, to get along, and to talk to you about their lives. What I've really learned about this though, is a little heartbreaking. If you have children of both sexes, the sons will be friends and the daughters will be friends. If you have one (or some) of both sexes, it's going to be a mixed bag. My brothers continue to be close, but I'm way out here in left field. I'm a girl and have always been in left field as far as the sibling thing is concerned.
I'm close to my mom. She was the only other female in my house. I needed a friend growing up. I didn't have a sister...or a brother like my siblings did.
Boys/men grow up and move away and live a solitary life without needing a bond with their parents. They just don't have that bond like girls/women do with their families. Why? I have no idea, but I've seen it time and time again and my girlfriends concur that this is true.
What I've really learned about boys and girls, thus far, is that I want nothing more than my sons to be friends when they grow up. I want them to actually like each other. AND, I really want them to like me...when they grow up. I know I'm not the greatest mom, but I hope they will someday realize that I've always done the best I can for them. That I never want harm to come to them and I want them to do their best. I guess, what it all comes down to is that I want them to talk to me and respect me. As I, in turn, return that same favor.
So, we've got quite a few years to go before the outcome is decided with my boys. I will keep, as all moms do, loving my kids unconditionally. I will pray unceasingly that I'm leading them down the right road and that they make good decisions as they grow. The list really could go on and on.
But for today, this is: A Day in the life...
{Please be assured that I am an expert in nothing, but my own experience. I speak from my heart and haven't researched any of this, so please don't freak out on me about that!}
The older my boys, husband included, become the more evident this is.
I grew up with brothers. No sisters. And, looking back, it is so obvious how different we really were and continue to be. While I love my brothers very much, I would not consider them my friends. Not in the way a girl needs a friend. Girls want a friend to tell them everything will work out, that they are right, that the person who wronged them is stupid, etc. All guys want is a punch on the arm and a very loud, "Suck it up, man! Don't think about it and just forget it!" All you ladies know what I'm talking about. And, while there may be something to that slug on the arm, it just doesn't cut it with girls. Even though guys keep trying to use this technique on us!
That being said, my thoughts will be all over the place today. I've got much on my mind.
On my mind today (and the past several days) is one of my brothers. One whom I don't speak to or get along with...for all intents and purposes. We, I suppose, are very similar in our stubbornness, but light years away from each other on our overall view of compassion, love, and respect. Nonetheless, I love my brother and am very worried about him. He is awaiting a surgery to remove a growth from his throat. The information I received from my mom is that the growth is 5 - 7 inches long and is wrapped around various things in his neck/throat including his thyroid and his windpipe. The surgery is scheduled to take 5 hours and has a recovery period of approximately one month. The outcome is uncertain.
I'm so very scared for him and want to tell him that I've been praying unceasingly for him since I received the news. This, however, isn't really possible considering we haven't spoken in nearly 8 years. I don't really know how he's feeling, but even through his very macho persona, I think he may be scared too. He has a beautiful little boy and I'm sure he's on his mind constantly.
Another thing I've learned is that when you become a mother, you want nothing but the best for your children. You want them to be friends with one another, to get along, and to talk to you about their lives. What I've really learned about this though, is a little heartbreaking. If you have children of both sexes, the sons will be friends and the daughters will be friends. If you have one (or some) of both sexes, it's going to be a mixed bag. My brothers continue to be close, but I'm way out here in left field. I'm a girl and have always been in left field as far as the sibling thing is concerned.
I'm close to my mom. She was the only other female in my house. I needed a friend growing up. I didn't have a sister...or a brother like my siblings did.
Boys/men grow up and move away and live a solitary life without needing a bond with their parents. They just don't have that bond like girls/women do with their families. Why? I have no idea, but I've seen it time and time again and my girlfriends concur that this is true.
What I've really learned about boys and girls, thus far, is that I want nothing more than my sons to be friends when they grow up. I want them to actually like each other. AND, I really want them to like me...when they grow up. I know I'm not the greatest mom, but I hope they will someday realize that I've always done the best I can for them. That I never want harm to come to them and I want them to do their best. I guess, what it all comes down to is that I want them to talk to me and respect me. As I, in turn, return that same favor.
So, we've got quite a few years to go before the outcome is decided with my boys. I will keep, as all moms do, loving my kids unconditionally. I will pray unceasingly that I'm leading them down the right road and that they make good decisions as they grow. The list really could go on and on.
But for today, this is: A Day in the life...
{Please be assured that I am an expert in nothing, but my own experience. I speak from my heart and haven't researched any of this, so please don't freak out on me about that!}
Friday, July 8, 2011
So...everybody's doing it.
So, I thought I'd take a shot at blogging. I know nobody but my friends (and my parents) really care about what happens in my life, but what the heck. Even then, do they REALLY care? Probably not. But, I think writing is fun and my life always offers up some sort of comic relief. So, why not laugh with me?
Once in a while, I might ask you to cry with me as things happen that bring everybody down. But, we're all human and all emotions are real and usually raw. For some reason, I'm one of those weirdos who likes to share that rawness on Facebook and other public forums.
A little about me. I grew up in a small, Mississippi River town in Iowa. I was educated there and then went to Iowa State University and received my Bachelor's of Science Degree. After being gone from this "one horse town" for 8 years (which, by the way, I swore on my life I would never come back to), I did eventually move back in 2000. About a year later, I re-met my future husband at of all places - Wal-Mart. How horribly embarrassing. But alas, our love grew and we were married and now have two children. Boys to be exact. Ages 6 and 4. Life is a laugh riot!!
With one boy going into 1st grade and the other going to preschool every day, I decided it's time for me to follow my dream, go back to college, and finish up a teaching degree. I will start in the fall when both boys start back to school and I'm scared out of my mind. I can't imagine how crazy life is going to be and if my husband will love me, resent me, be proud of me, or want to kick my butt on a daily basis.
So follow along on my journey and find out! I've always got lots on my mind. Usually it's just a rant or two as I'm standing on my soapbox. If you don't like it, I'm pretty honest and will tell you, don't read it. It doesn't really matter to me.
Once in a while, I might ask you to cry with me as things happen that bring everybody down. But, we're all human and all emotions are real and usually raw. For some reason, I'm one of those weirdos who likes to share that rawness on Facebook and other public forums.
A little about me. I grew up in a small, Mississippi River town in Iowa. I was educated there and then went to Iowa State University and received my Bachelor's of Science Degree. After being gone from this "one horse town" for 8 years (which, by the way, I swore on my life I would never come back to), I did eventually move back in 2000. About a year later, I re-met my future husband at of all places - Wal-Mart. How horribly embarrassing. But alas, our love grew and we were married and now have two children. Boys to be exact. Ages 6 and 4. Life is a laugh riot!!
With one boy going into 1st grade and the other going to preschool every day, I decided it's time for me to follow my dream, go back to college, and finish up a teaching degree. I will start in the fall when both boys start back to school and I'm scared out of my mind. I can't imagine how crazy life is going to be and if my husband will love me, resent me, be proud of me, or want to kick my butt on a daily basis.
So follow along on my journey and find out! I've always got lots on my mind. Usually it's just a rant or two as I'm standing on my soapbox. If you don't like it, I'm pretty honest and will tell you, don't read it. It doesn't really matter to me.
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