Stuck in a funk.

I'm stuck in a funk.  And, I can't get out.  I've tried self-talk, indulging myself with favorite sweet treats, snuggling with my husband and crying my eyes out, sleeping copious amounts, and more.  None have seemed to work.

All the while, I've got the stupid Rolling Stones playing over and over in my mind.  The only words they sing are, "You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, well you might just find you get what you need!"  Seriously, this is pure torture for me.  Why?  First, because I cannot stand the Rolling Stones or the sound of Mick Jagger in my head.  Second, because I've hated this phrase since I was a kid.  My parents constantly said it to us.  And while, as an adult, I totally get what it means, I still hate it.

Why can't I have what I want?  WHY??  Maybe it's not as simple as wanting an iced coffee and getting that.  I usually can HAVE that.  It's more like the big-time stuff.  For example, why can't my life work out exactly the way I have it planned?  I mean, I acknowledge that I was made in God's image and He knows everything about me before anyone else, but why can't he just clue me in?  This is very troubling.  If I'm made in HIS image, why then do I not have the same gifts as HIM.  Specifically, knowing the plan.  How can I do my best at "the plan" if I don't even know what it is?  I'm serious here people!

I was born a planner.  Just ask my parents, they will tell you so.  Everything has always had to be in a certain order for me.  It's just the way I am.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love to be spontaneous and have tons of fun!  As long as I know that's what the plan is for the day :)

BUT, being spontaneous is NOT working into this plan of mine right at the moment.  See, I'm going back to school full-time in a mere 3 weeks.  I'm not 18 anymore and this takes a considerable amount of planning and preparation.  I have a husband and two children to consider and this is taking my anxiety level off the charts. 

Luckily, I have very supportive parents who have promised to pick up the slack wherever it's needed.  They have been very encouraging of me finishing my teaching degree and they love my boys very much.  In some instances, I get really sad thinking that grandma is going to know more about my boys by the end of the year than I will.  But, better grandma than some random person at daycare, right?  In addition, God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who has it on his agenda to start the grocery shopping and laundry.  He hasn't yet offered to cook which just makes me smile because he isn't really very good at it anyway!

So, you're probably thinking, what's your problem?  What are you so worried about?  I've got it 10 times harder than that, lady!  Suck it up and get on with it!  To this, I cannot disagree.  And to answer, all I have is this reply...I'm trying.  That's all I can do right now.  Keep trying.  I keep trying to put all my troubles in God's hands.  I do.  But, why isn't He answering me in some way?  Or, is He giving me what I NEED and not what I WANT?