The Line Between Selfishness and (In)Sanity...

or, is there not a line at all?

Since becoming a mom, life has changed dramatically.  No duh, right?  What I'm trying to put into words is this constant battle in me that thinks I'm selfish and/or insane.  And, the only way I can stay sane is to be a little, teeny bit selfish.  BUT, being selfish is just that.  SELFISH.  I don't know about you, but when I was growing up, and still today, if somebody called you selfish it wasn't a good thing.  Honestly, I would much rather somebody call me the b-word than selfish.  I know it sounds crazy, but it's true.

But alas, now that I'm a mother and I'm the only female in the house, I feel like I need my sanity back.  And in order to do that, I'm required to be a tad selfish.  {Sigh}  I just need that quiet time to myself when somebody isn't pawing at me, needing a drink, asking "honey where's the...", the list could go on.  I accept these parts of motherhood and understand they come with the territory, but how can I continue to be pawwed at, pass out drinks, and tell my husband where everything is if I don't have a little down time?  Just wondering.

So that brings me to the upcoming weekend.  My oldest son is competing in a tournament in another city not too far away.  While I love that he has an interest in this sport, I've also been thinking about being very selfish and staying home.  I know, I KNOW!  I need to suck it up and go support my son.  But, it would be so easy for him to go with his dad and have a "daddy-son" day. 

My husband and son are also working on his coveted Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts and need to go to the hobby store after the tournament.  Seriously?  I'm sorry, but spending two hours in the model car aisle with my husband acting like he's a kid does not sound like any fun to me at all.  We all know that it doesn't matter what the paint job on the car looks like.  What matters is if it's fast.  And that comes down to aerodynamics and physics.  Why won't my husband let me tell him about the physics of the thing?  Grrrr!

So, what's the verdict?  Should I be selfish and stay home or be insane and go?  I'm sure I will go.  What's it going to hurt if I'm insane for a few more days, weeks, months?  Oh wait, I think it's been years now.

Maybe when you leave the hospital with your first baby they should hand you a pamphlet that says, "Welcome to Motherhood!  Our local support groups are listed inside for your convenience."

Just another day in the life...