Sometimes life is random...and so is my writing

It has been nearly a year since I've written.  I have been so wrapped up in writing papers, projects, lesson plans, and research papers for two years that my personal writing has taken a backseat.  Writing has always been a way for me to get out my frustration and anxiety, both of which I have mass amounts, but school has been a priority.

Now that I have a second degree (and no job to show for it, I might add), I'm somewhat free.  I've been reading books like a sponge thirsty for water.  When 3 am rolls around and my eyes are so gritty that I can't hardly see, I MUST read one more chapter.  Yes, I'm that person.

I admit, I read a LOT of romance novels.  I find them intriguing for some reason.  Maybe because my life, which I consider "normal", is nothing like a romance novel.  Don't get me wrong, I have a great life, it's just not a romance novel if you know what I mean ;)

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I stay hidden behind my blog, mostly, because of where I live and what I do or would like to do.  And, these days, people are always getting into your business and judging your so-called character.  Which, I suppose, is fair but not always a true picture of who a person really is.

For example, I swear.  Is it becoming?  No.  Is it professional?  No.  Do I swear when I'm doing my job?  Hell NO!  But, when I write, the occasional f-bomb may appear.  If you're sensitive to that and think I'm not glorifying God, you're right.  I'm not glorifying God.  This is also my business and what I reconcile is between me and God, and has nothing to do with you.  If you don't like it, I just don't care anymore.

Some of the people I used to talk to and hang out with will say I've fallen away from God and am no longer the person I used to be.  So it seems.  Thanks for the reminders and judgement, "friends".  Again, I just don't care anymore.

The things I really want to say are gritty.  I just want to pour my crazy, wicked mind into words.  I want to read books that aren't about Commandments and how to be a better mom.  I'm so sick of that right now.

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What I want to say is that I want to lock my kids out of the house and not let them back in until they really learn to get along.  What that really means is that I will NEVER see my kids again because at almost 40, I still don't really get along with my siblings. 

What else do I want?  Some days, I want to sit and read books, or blogs, or surf Twitter...ALL DAY!  Yes, ALL DAMN DAY!  But I can't and I don't because I'm a mom who takes responsibility seriously.  For some reason, I still feel it's important to have well-rounded children who are not social retards.

Other days, I want to be 25 again.  I want to be single and making a crap load of money and doing whatever I want on my days off.  I want to fly out for the weekend to visit friends in California or New York.  I want to spend hundreds of dollars at the mall buying whatever I want and not think about the circumstances.  I want to be able to run 3 miles a day and have the body back that I had 10 years ago. I want to go to the bathroom, or take a shower, without being barged in on.  I, I, I.  Boy, I sure am a selfish witch aren't I?  Why do other moms try to make me feel guilty about this?  I can't be the only one who longs for those carefree days.  I can't be.  And, the people who say they never think about that, in my clearest estimation, are liars.

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Sometimes, I just need to get random ramblings out of my meandering mind.

Sometimes, we need to say life sucks the big one.

Sometimes, life changes.  Seasons change.  People change.  I am changing.

Sometimes, we just need to say screw it.

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And that, my friends, is a very random day in the life...